Featuring Joy & Geoff, Big Brother , Little Brother , Sis , and various household (and outdoor) critters...

Wednesday, 28 July 2010

Has Anyone Read This? Looks Interesting!

Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers


From Publisher's Weekly:

Like countless other parents, Canadian doctors Neufeld and Maté woke up one day to find that their children had become secretive and unreachable. Pining for time with friends, they recoiled or grew hostile around adults. Why? The problem, Neufeld and co-writer Maté suggest, lies in a long-established, though questionable, belief that the earliest possible mastery of the rules of social acceptance leads to success. In a society that values its economy over culture, the book states, the building of strong adult/child attachments gets lost in the shuffle. Multiple play dates, day care, preschool and after school activities groom children to transfer their attachment needs from adults to their peers. They become what the authors call "peer oriented." The result is that they squelch their individuality, curiosity and intelligence to become part of a group whose members attend school less to learn than to socialize. And these same children are bullying, shunning and murdering each other, as well as committing suicide, at increasing rates. The authors' meticulous exploration of the problem can be profoundly troubling. However, their candidness and exposition lead to numerous solutions for reestablishing a caring adult hierarchy. Beautifully written, this terrific, poignant book is already a bestseller in Canada.


Ruth Branson said...

I read this book about three years ago and it fundamentally changed my approach to parenting. In addition, though the authors do not expressly advocate for homeschooling children, this book was the primary reason we made the decision to homeschool.

It is not the best organized book, and I wish there was a little bit more 'how to' in it, but it's nonetheless my mostly highly recommended book for parenting.

I have gone to hear Neufeld speak on two different occasions when he has come to our city and it was great to hear him in person, too. One day, I'd love to take one of his intensive one- or two- week workshops.

Anyway, I could go on and on about this book and the authors, but I'll leave it at that. I think I made my point!



Ruth Branson said...

I should probably have added that my sister, and a few of her friends who have read the book, didn't think quite as highly of the book as I did - their perspective was that the book was designed to make them feel guilty about their own parenting. I didn't get this at all, but saw it as a way to improve my own parenting. I think there's a fundamental difference between parents who might see this as a book intended to provoke guilt, and parents who see it as a book that really gets into why kids are the way they are and what we as parents need to do about it. Of course, my sister is not wild about our decision to homeschool either, so we likely have fairly different views on parenting anyway!

Just wanted to share that additional perspective!!


Julie Stewart said...

Thanks for posting this Joy. This describes exactly where I'm at with our 11 year old, and I'm looking for ways to turn things from being "peer-oriented" back to being "family-oriented". This book may be just what I need. I'll let you know how it works out! :)


Gwen said...

Yes, I definitely recommend it. :)

ps - my word verification is bumpuppet. Hee hee!