Life These Days...in Pictures

Happy Canada Day folks!

I finally caught up on some photo uploading over the weekend. Phew.

Since I'm terrible at journaling (and blogging), it's a good thing I typically take tons of pictures. I was amazed, however, going through the photos this time and realizing how much the kids are growing up and changing. I keep expecting them to look like they did 2 years ago when they came home. Sigh. (Doesn't help that it's been such a long time since I uploaded and organized photos - it really was a bit of a shock).

Anyway, here are a few glimpses into life around our place these days...

First, food. We tried out some home-made whole wheat rolls. And, yes. Recommended.

 
 I keep finding this scene in the living room - variations on a theme:

 

Poor hounds have a really rough life.

We held our first ever birthday party for the boys. Grandma and Grandpa brought along some sacks, which was fun for the kids and entertaining for the adults :)

 

We've walked a bit - my baby boy doesn't play Daddy often, but I try to snap a photo when he does - love seeing little boys with dolls. Big boy always prefers his "grown up" activities, and snapping pictures is fine with me. 

 

 A moth humoured us by sitting for an extended nature study at the campground. He finally flew away when my camera lens had been in his face one too many times.

 Don't you love it when your kids play "sleeping"? I do.

 
Speaking of kids,  I am posting from the campground, and imagine my few minutes of uninterrupted solitude may be over soon - I hear the two youngest getting a long nicely outside with their imaginary play, while Geoff and Lute work on a puzzle. It's been a slightly cool weekend, so no swimming, but overall I'd rather have it this way rather than super-hot.

That's it for today, folks. Enjoy your week!

A Snapshot of Sibling Dynamics in the Heat of the Moment...

Picture a raging - screaming, aggressive - nearly-5 year-old swaddled on the floor with his parent, to contain him, protect others, and (hopefully) provide a sense of safety and eventual calm. Then see his 3 year-old sibling entering, wanting closeness with her mama, perhaps re-assurance. She grabs her own blanket and tries to wrap herself and snuggle up beside the pair on the floor. Restraining, cuddling, all together.

As she settles in, she leans toward her dysregulated brother and tells him she loves him. Next, 5 year-old big brother enters. He has been occupying himself, and no one had attended to the recorded music coming from an electronic toy in the playroom, until he informs us that he thought the music might be nice for his brother. When acknowledged for his thoughtfulness, he brings the musical globe into the room and begins to take requests.

Within minutes, my boy has begun to return from the depths of his fury. I force myself out of self-imposed silence - a survival strategy used to ride things out without feeding anyone's anger further - and snuggle my "twins", going yet further - which takes a great deal of emotional effort - to begin a hunt for belly buttons and play a few tickling games. Once everyone has shrieked with laughter, and I have distracted them by pointing out a passing farm vehicle, we attempt to resume "normal" and hope it lasts for at least a little while... 

 

More winter chit-chat...

Well, baby girl is 3. Same age her big brother was when they all came home. Wowzers. To celebrate, she requested cherry cake and a straw for her drink. Both requests were accommodated. She also mentioned a few times that she wanted a pink Wii remote. And don't tell my old self, but that's what she got. My 3-year-old. A Wii remote. Enough said about that.

 I was very privileged to be able to attend TWO figure skating events at the world championships, thanks to tickets passed on to friends, who in turn shared the wealth with many others - a real treat! I don't follow the sport closely, but like to catch a bit on TV here and there, and enjoy the occasional live event...

On my day off with the kids last week, we managed to get out for a walk around town (if I made that sound like quite the feat...well, that's because it surely can be just that - most of our Fridays end up cycling through all the old dysregulation with a particular child, often resulting in cancelled plans and limited "quality time" with any of them...so it's always nice when plans work out). Anyway, right across the road, we spent some time throwing ice/snow chunks as far into the ravine as possible, aiming for the water. It was a highlight of the month for the boys, I think!

On Family Day I gave in and agreed to a hike. I'm fine once I get out there...I just hate gearing up, mentally and literally. We have gorgeous hiking trails within a 3-4 minute drive from our house, so we have no good excuse for neglecting the opportunity...I only wish I had brought the Ergo carrier along (initially forgot, then didn't go back, thinking I had taken it out of the vehicle, only to find it in the vehicle after the hike. Figures)...baby girl was not in the mood for walking (despite having done this route nearly 18 months ago, all on foot), so we alternated carrying her on our backs for the 2-hour outing...

My winter decor is all packed up now. Indoors, anyway (we still have greenery up outside). Some spring items have made an appearance - one good thing about having the house for sale is that it demands that we stay on top of seasonal decor changes and other basic organizational needs...other than that, I can't think of many other good things about being in limbo with the house...

Looking ahead, we have a couple more birthdays coming up this month, and will be hosting my parents for a few days. I need to start planning the summer (this is early for me to look that far into the future), because there are a couple of specific events/opportunities that are of great interest. One would involve living on my new bike for a few days, which is an exciting and somewhat alarming prospect. Another would involve some in-person training and a great family vacation all wrapped up in one. So we'll see how much of that (if any) turns out to be realistic!

Scenes of the Season

Winter is having a bit of an identity crisis around here this year, but we have snow and chill again this weekend...and this morning I slipped into the back yard in an effort to snap a few photos of a pair of cardinals. Unfortunately, it seems that photographing birds while being trailed by a two year-old and an enthusiastic pair of hounds is an exercise in futility. It was, however, an amazing morning for birds. After the cardinals flew off, I enjoyed watching some other little birds flitting about the yard, observed a raven hanging around nearby, spied a number of pigeons plump and round on their branches, and watched a woodpecker at work.

The woodpecker obliged for a moment before the human and canine activity prompted him to move on (but not long enough for me to sort out all the details with my rarely-used zoom lens, camera settings, and stability). Ah well.

Although we continue to keep our eyes open for a suitable acreage, my little back yard adventure this morning made me very thankful for our tree-filled small-town subdivision and yard.

A couple of weeks ago, my lovely Motet hung around for a little photo shoot on the kitchen counter (she usually comes right at me for some quality time as soon as I pull out a camera, and I can't often get a still picture of her). So hard to believe that this pretty girl is 16, turning 17 in March. We've been a pair since she was 6 weeks old.

Gladwyn also humoured me today, by staying still and actually looking in my direction for a few photos. Likely helped that she was in one of her favourite places (my bed) and therefore disinclined to move.

 

January has been busy, with a late family Christmas mid-month. And since I don't usually rush to take down Christmas decorations, they remained up through the end of the month. Now that we have entered February (and are actively showing the house), I figured we should likely pack things away, which meant snapping a few shots before dismantling it all.

I am enjoying driving up to my house more than ever this winter...with the new siding, door, and trim colours, and the shutters and new windows, it looks so crisp and quaint (the discoloured white siding really didn't do much for the place against a backdrop of bright white snow).

   
And so, a few scenes from Winter 2013.

As usual, I am already lamenting the slow start to my to-do list for the year, which will mostly remain undone come October and November, when I lament how little I completed in the previous 10 months. And, as I might have predicted, I am itching to sign up for another course of study (it has, after all, been nearly 4 years since I graduated with my Master's degree...this time 'round I am really drawn to the Neufeld Institute, which offers a course of study that looks like a fantastic fit with my professional background and current/future interests, and would be a huge boost to my personal and parenting skills as well). But we shall see. Life is certainly full enough with work, home, church, community, social, leisure, and family pursuits. As usual, I come up with about 10 great blog topics per day, all in my head, and by the time I get to a computer I invariably forget what I wanted to write about. I have some new thoughts about attachment progress in each of my kiddos (the youngest of which is about to turn THREE in just over a month). We have also made some (hopefully? likely?) temporary changes in our homeschooling adventure, having enroled the boys in JK and SK for the winter term. So far they are doing well, but I still envision the flexible, family-focused lifestyle and individualized learning homeschool would offer longer term.

For tonight, though, I will try to set aside a few of these constant questions about where we are headed, and perhaps enjoy a few chapters of the book I need to finish for book club next week, while outside, the snow brightens the night.

 

What Do You Want to Hear About?

It is quite clear by now that I am a ridiculously inconsistent blogger. I also write way too much when I do write. Really, it is likely more of a journal than anything, which is good, since life passes in such a blur that I lose most of it if I don't record it in words or pictures. Anyway, I often think about incredibly fascinating blog post topics throughout the day, either when I am doing something like driving, working/trying to work, caring for children, or being tired. Then I forget what I wanted to write about.

So, what do you want to hear/read?

Here are some facts of my life to help you come up with topics for me :)

• We have 3 kiddos, ages 2, 4, and 5, adopted together 18 months ago through public adoption. I could say an awful lot about that if I took the time. It has been easy and hard, surprising and just as I expected, fascinating and tedious, ugly and beautiful, energizing and exhausting.
• We have 4 pets - two hounds and two cats, who were living with us before kids.
• We are small-town folk, minutes from the (sort of) big city.
• Our house is old, and was likely rescued from either being flipped on the cheap, decaying gradually, or pretty much being de-boned and re-built. We did something in between. We like it. It has taken more than a decade to "basically" be finished renovations.
• Speaking of houses and small towns, we keep dreaming of an acreage, ideally still with an old house. A roomy one, with good space for potentially more kids, a private (but windowed and not TOO secluded) home office, at least a couple of living spaces to spread out with company & do homeschool, a barn, a workshop, a rolling landscape with nooks and crannies, and ideally even a little storefront space in case we get around to being a bit more consistent with our crafting.
• Our boys are being homeschooled - first official year. Considering some major work changes this fall, it's going reasonably well, I think.
• Our goal is to have a parent around full-time. For four weeks now, we are living what is hopefully a very short-term experiment with my husband working full-time again after parental leave, and me working 4 days/week (mostly from home), with an in-home, part-time nanny/sitter/caregiver. If anything, the arrangement is proving that this is not the lifestyle for us long-term. I think it's going as well as could be, generally, but freedom and flexibility and being with the kids are definitely more important than the frills we can enjoy with an extra job.
• We like to craft, on an amateur-ish scale, and got caught up in the moment and ended up registering to be vendors at a local Christmas sale next weekend. So I am madly sewing up hand-puppets today, while Geoff whips up some more wood pieces, and we plan to show up with those items, along with some birdhouses, left-over Africa bags from our adoption fund raising, accessories (scarf sort-of things and fabric necklaces), and see how it goes.
• I love food of all kinds, including junk and fast food, but we eat pretty well at home (minus my add-on snacking habit). I keep working toward a goal of all-natural eating, cosmetics, cleaning products, etc. We have made progress, but still have plenty of room for improvement.
• Faith and church are a big deal to us. Geoff and I help teach youth Sunday School, join the band or choir with trumpet (Geoff) or flute (me) on occasion, and have just joined the choir. Our contemporary and traditional/liturgical services start a trial combined period tomorrow, with a slightly more contemporary focus (we attend the traditional, as a rule). I am part of an ad-hoc committee planning the new services. This is clearly a major "thing" for everyone in our church right now.
• I enjoy the flexibility and variety in my work as an occupational therapist with a small, private health clinic. Most of my clients have been injured in car accidents, and I see them in their homes, workplaces, and at the clinic. My first 11 years of practice were spent in inpatient adolescent psychiatry, so the past 3.5 years have been a huge learning curve and change of pace. I like to learn, and finished a distance master's degree in my field a few years ago. I suspect more formal learning could very well be in my future, but I don't have a specific direction or plan at the moment. Research, writing, editing, and planning all equal good times in my opinion :)
• Increasingly, I am uncomfortable with excess and self-indulgence, although I still feel excessive and self-indulgent despite being more attentive to my habits in certain areas. For so many reasons, selfish and unselfish, I think much peace and freedom lies in simplicity. As a person with many interests and a love of variety, this is a constant battleground.
• I am losing track of time, and must get the kids up if we are going to make it to the next town's Christmas activities, especially the horse-drawn wagon ride and visit with Santa. The whole Santa thing is another area of mixed feelings. I would be happy to write about that, too.

Irony and Uncertainty

Well, we lost the house on which we had an accepted (conditional) offer. Someone came in with a firm offer last week, and our place is still for sale, so we had to concede.

This morning I sent my "Wish(ful Thinking) List" to our realtors, and they will keep their eyes peeled for something suitable...but our list is long, and since we do love our current home (other than the layout issues and inability to have livestock), we are not prepared to settle for anything less exciting than the place we had hoped for.

Ironically, we officially lost the house on the very morning that Geoff headed back to work for the first time since February...in part to help finance our move to the countryside. Now, he will be working full-time again (at least for a while), we have a caregiver for the kids (so far, I think it will work out well - but oh boy, there is some testing of limits and behavioural expectations going on), and things are pretty much up in the air.

We knew the potential move involved some risk of ending up in this very scenario, but it still stings. We would have made some different work-related decisions had this not been our goal, and we took the plunge on some exterior renovations on our place in order to make it more appealing to potential buyers.

So, since Geoff is working again, and since we have spruced up our place, we are currently leaning toward leaving ourselves open to explore the market, and not making any hasty decisions about unlisting our house. Which means there is plenty of uncertainty combined with lots of adjustments for us all with getting used to the work and child care situations.

Time will tell...

Change of Seasons

Oh, autumn this year is bringing change along with it.

My leaves are golden and orange, and from the window on my left, the morning sun streams through them, illuminating them. 

To my right, rusty orange chrysanthemums add a seasonal touch to my work space. 

And on the front lawn, the blue real estate sign that I can now look at without knots forming in my gut. It went up Thursday evening, last week. And somehow, although we had been contemplating a move for over 6 weeks, that sign nearly did me in. 

It is all self-inflicted. The home we bought 12 years ago, in my mind hopefully forever...the home we brought back from the brink of its downward spiral into non-existence (it was a worn-out, poorly maintained bank foreclosure that last saw better days 20 or so years before us, when the story goes that it was meticulously decorated and maintained - likely those owners we can thank for some of the core electrical updates, etc., that made it at least worth our consideration)...this home may not be ours much longer.

 

I love our small town, its easy access to the city (I am never sure whether people believe me, but we can get anywhere in the nearest city within less than 30 minutes, which is better than living in one corner of the city and having to weave one's way through it), its quiet streets and proximity to hiking (um, yeah, we rarely avail ourselves of that...but still), the countryside I get to enjoy going to and from the city.

However, the lure of a few acres has never left me. And some issues with layout have presented themselves now that we have three kids sharing our space. My office, the playroom, and the living room are all in the same spot, and I work from home when I'm not seeing clients. Some days are long and distracting as I bounce up and down to assist and interject with various parenting duties. If we stay, the office must move upstairs, to the spare bedroom, which leaves no room for further family expansion (one never knows, right - our social worker has made it quite clear she is ready to work with us as soon as we say the word), and very little room for overnight guests.

A smaller family could easily use a bigger bedroom for a family room and work things out quite nicely, but for entertaining, well, I pretty much wouldn't bother having another family with kids over to enjoy a visit other than during outdoor season (we do have a huge yard, which I love). Our eating space is just about maxed out, and again, if we stay, we need to look at moving the table into the dining/lounge/foye space on the other side of our kitchen peninsula (we currently to that for sit-down meals with company), but then it really clogs up our main floor space what with dogs and children underfoot continually).

Every surface in our house has our touch. Every floor finish, every wall, all the bathrooms and kitchens. All the woodwork - all of it has been either refinished or replaced. To sell, we have now had the siding painted, added shutters, changed the whole exterior colour scheme, and installed a number of new windows (I caved at last...but must admit the new ones are exactly the same scale as the old, and I do enjoy having screens to be able to open them).

But we found this place. This yellow brick Victorian farmhouse on 5 acres - rolling acres with a bit of pasture, trees, a creek (and bridge), a pond. A barn. On a road far less busy than ours, but with some traffic to draw in customers for birdhouses and other bits and pieces we enjoy selling. Great zoning for all kinds of business and agricultural functions. Municipal water and gas. A cute town less than 5 minutes away, with basic amenities (including Tim Horton's and an ambulance dispatch - the essentials). A house with additions to meet our unique needs like a home office, crafting (and possible storefront) area, entertaining (with rooms for kids to go off and play nearby or further away, while the adults chat), homeschooling, and extended overnight guest stays. A house with room for more kids, just in case. An open staircase (with a great photo gallery wall). High ceilings. No closets. Oops, that's not a plus, is it? A house with all the essential modernities (electrical, etc.), but with few projects to keep us busy. Seems we are project people, like it or not - we gravitate toward a creative challenge. 

So here we are. Waiting to see what will happen. A conditional offer has been accepted, and our house must sell, so I keep speaking in hypothetical terms. At the very least, our current place looks a fair sight better now, and getting some momentum going on organizational and decluttering projects is not a bad thing, no matter what comes of this.

(And now, a brief interlude to enjoy some Canadian wildlife):

Added to all this, Geoff has decided to return to work later this month. He continues to take some courses, and needs a means of funding those. And of course, there is always the thought of qualifying for another parental leave if need be (seems worth some time at work, to earn that opportunity again). With my flexible schedule, we can minimize child care by having someone come to us, and have someone who is very much looking forward to the opportunity.

I never saw myself having child care...but this arrangement will be 3-4 days/week, with me being available most mornings, and our sitter/nanny likely being mainly responsible for the kids on those days for 3.5-4 hours, until their rest time, after which Geoff will be home while I finish my work day. I actually find myself looking forward a bit to seeing how it goes, and think it will likely be good for me and the kids for me to be more actively involved in some of their morning routines again, and to be their caregiver on Fridays (I definitely have relied a lot on Geoff for those things while he has been off, and am sometimes a bit disconnected, I think).

So, our season of change, and change of seasons has come. The kids are doing well at the moment. The boys have been responding well to the homeschooling routine. We have attended a couple of field trips with a local homeschool network. Baby girl decided to start using the toilet more often than not last week. Something just clicked one day, and she's been doing wonderfully since then (I never really pushed a formal training routine - just offered her opportunities to sit on the toilet here and there - and nothing happened, until last week).

It is Thanksgiving Day, and I should go join the family for Eggs Benedict now. Have a Happy Thanksgiving :)

I Almost Posted

Some blogger I am, eh?

I was well into a post about returning to work, kids, and houses, when I deleted the whole thing. Apparently I have no trouble at all blabbing away on Facebook about everything in my life and on my mind, but I get stumped about what to write here.

It is not for lack of verbosity, as my preferred approach is to write freely without much editing for conciseness (although I do enjoy the challenge of a status update sound bite). I don't really feel too concerned about putting select pieces of my life on here for public consumption. So I'm not sure what it is, exactly.

So tonight, you get to spend a precious few minutes reading a post about not posting. Sorry. And now I really must go and see if I can scramble to prepare at least one fair entry so I don't spend the next 12 months lamenting that I didn't have any submissions. The kids made mud pies, and Geoff has birdhouses, so surely I can whip up something in the last two or so hours of my day...

It's Still Summer

While I am seeing some leaves turning (and dropping) after a dry, dry summer so far, and I am not minding little reminders that fall is around the corner, I am still in summer mode - which is likely easier to hold on to, since the boys will be learning at home this year (JK and SK) and our routine basically stays the same, with the addition of more structured learning time in the mornings (something we tried out in the Spring, with great results).

I don't think it would be possible to over-state how delighted I am NOT to be part of the early morning and afternoon flurry which marks 10 months of the year for most families. While that is not a fundamental reason for us to homeschool, it is a factor. And while I would likely adjust quite nicely (ha ha, would more likely experience some relief and joy) having the boys at school 30 hours/week, I really don't think that is the best thing for them or me at this point in our development as a family (or, dare I say, for most tiny people...but that is another topic, and I realize there are many reasons people choose to do so). And while all of us being around each other all the time (even now that I am working again part-time, I am mostly at home when doing so) is not always easy, I don't think our family time would be improved much by squishing it all into busy mornings and early evenings with lots of competing demands and more outside influences on relationship dynamics and personal development.

We looked forward to officially beginning our homeschool adventure by attending a local not back to school picnic this week...but it was rained out, essentially. Therefore no fanfare around here so far. I have the first 18 weeks of our learning year mapped out, and we officially begin on Monday.

I have no idea how we will end up as far as our approach to learning, and I don't want to be excessively structured...but we all seem to do better with routine, and since Geoff will actually be facilitating most of the learning, things are outlined pretty clearly at this point for easy follow-through. I feel pretty flexible, though, and am open to discovering new ways of doing this as we go along.

Being a book buff, and a lover of themes, we chose to use "Come Sit By Me" as a literature-based unit study format (reportedly similar to Five In A Row). The suggested activities are pretty creative, and offer lots of options for picking and choosing what will work based on age, interest, learning needs, etc. Most of these activities could be optional for kindergarteners, so it is not a huge problem if we over-plan and can't get to everything on the schedule. I found the "Teach Me Joy" curriculum online when I was searching for cursive-first handwriting programs, and since it was so inexpensive, I purchased that as an outline for core academics and Bible. We'll see how it goes. I like the supplementary materials that are suggested for use in conjunction with the basic curriculum, and it seems like it will tailor well to both our JK and SK boys, using separate math and pre-writing materials with each boy, as needed.

Generally, I envision 3 days/week of core subjects plus a couple of other topics (art, music, history, etc.). One additional day will hopefully cover just the core subjects (partly based on a regular weekly commitment we have), and Fridays will be mostly open for outings, adventures, and other pursuits. Again, we will just have to wait and see how it plays out (but that is what we were basically doing in the spring, which seemed to work well).

I will try to post regular updates on our educational adventures!

Lullaby...

Uttered by Caye (27 months) this week, while trying our new approach of a "snuggle" after lights out at bedtime (due to recent major bedtime "I don't want to sleep!!!!!!" issues):

"I want to snuggle."

"Why you going to pee?" (on night #2 as I rose to leave the room, after successfully making an exit on night #1 by citing a need to use the bathroom)

"I like Granny's/Mommy's/Daddy's/Grandpa's/others' glasses." (one full sentence per person)

"Do you love Daddy/Mookie(Lute)/Titchie(Kitch)/Hesper/Gladwyn/Motet/Scat/Granny/Grandpa/Aunt Rebecca/Robin/Bronwyn/Uncle Alex/etc.?"

"I love [all of the above, in turn]."

"Jesus loves me."

"I trying to rest (whilst attempting to strap velcro loop on musical mobile plush lion around her ankle)!"

"I trying, I trying, I trying to sleep (whilst rolling around attempting to unfasten velcro strap around ankle, and then starting directly at me)."

"(tearfully, after one of my attempts to leave her room) I can't find my blanket!"

"(ragefully, after my return to assist with blanket) I don't want my blanket. No....!!!!!!!!!!! I don't want it!!!!!!! I no want my blanket!!!!!"

"[screaming & yelling - opening door on her own, standing briefly in hallway screeching, then returning to room & closing door]." (I was pleasantly surprised that opening the door did not lead to an attempt to fully exit and avoid returning to room).

"Bip-bip-bip-ba-ba-do--bip-bip-bip...etc...[sing-song-ish] - Do you like this song? [repeat]."

 "Round and round the garden, goes the polar bear....wee-wee-wee-wee, home."

"[tongue clucking] Do you like this song?"

"I love your/Daddy's ears."

"I love your/Daddy's other ear."

"I love your/Daddy's/Titchie's/Mookie's/Grandpa's/Granny's/Jimmy's[Granny & Grandpa's dog] body."

"I love my body."

...and a random story about Kitch and his underwear.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

For the record, she is currently bustling around the living room at 9:45pm (our kiddos have a pretty consistent 7:30ish bedtime), doing acrobatics on a magazine rack while wearing too-big flip-flops, drawing, etc. This after she followed me downstairs wailing. 

For over a year, we have had few bedtime issues (a couple of short streaks of crying after we left the room, but nothing too intense or lasting. She also has occasional restless nights, where she fusses a couple of times between her bedtime and mine). My instinct is not to let her fall asleep in distress (and I can't imagine the screaming hysteria helps her brothers go to sleep across the hall), and I still remember last summer when my presence with her in the night was not a comfort, so I guess I still find something meaningful in her wanting me with her at bedtime. Last week, I managed to leave the room a couple of times by letting her look at books until she fell asleep (she was up for quite a while one night with that approach). We have also had success a couple of times with one of us lying with her for a while. However, the past few attempts to stay with her have not worked out well, as she has been very active and chatty with us in the room. 

I wish I knew whether she simply has a new awareness that the day goes on for Geoff and I after she goes to bed, or a realization that she can choose whether or not to sleep - and who would want to do that??, or whether her sleep needs (e.g., bedtime, nap span, etc.) have changed, or whether she is having bad dreams (we hear a lot of "No...I don't want to sleep!"), or...something else.

I am feeling a little too unstructured in our efforts to come up with a 'plan' - I tend to be pretty consistent with expectations, and that is easy enough for me to do with the boys in particular, who arrived at ages where that kind of follow-through seemed to be generally do-able (well, with great effort). With Caye, though, I still feel stuck in transition from the baby stage of loading up on instant response and comfort and soothing, toward delivering a little clearer message about boundaries and expectations (while still being nurturing) - so hard to know when to let her live out the distress of coming up against a firm limit, and when to flex a bit to relieve that distress and provide comfort. And with bedtime, there is the added layer of not really knowing how much her sense of safety/security is involved with the reluctance to let us go at night, and not wanting to ignore that possibility.

Anyway, at least there is some amusement to be had while hanging out in her room. Bedtime #2 is about to take place - Geoff will attempt this one, after prying her away from the book she is currently perusing with lots of commentary, such as "Oh, Man!" and "I want to have my green apple."

All Natural (in a modified kind of way)

Here is a non-parenting-or-child-related post for you, because I care not to dwell on the various rambunctious and unsafe antics of my youngsters, who apparently think it is no big deal if they have to spend the rest of their lives within arm's reach, playing with air, to ensure that they actually have a life to live, and who apparently decided to let their antics carry over into Sunday School to the point that their behaviour was worth mentioning to us (which, by the way Sunday School teachers, I am very thankful for - because I definitely want to know if they are up to less-than-classroom-worthy shenanigans, and if they keep this up they might just get to see how willing I am to act on my "keep the kids in the church service" philosophy, for everyone's good).

So, to keep things perhaps moderately interesting, I decided pictures would be prudent. And the only interesting-ish new pictures I have are in regard to my hair and Geoff's birdhouses. I have loosely grouped these two topics into the "all natural" theme, because a truly random post of un-related bits and pieces would be distressing to me in some way.

Ok. Let us begin with my hair (so that we can end on a more lovely note). My hair is not easily classified, but can definitely be considered wavy. Sometimes curly, but not predictably. Sometimes full of body, but not predictably. Sometimes uniform in its overall appearance, but rarely so. It tends to curl better in the summer, with humidity, which can be both a blessing and a curse (often simultaneously). I often straighten it in the winter, to look sleeker with more tailored winter clothes and because (if I sleep on it right), I can get away with no styling on the second day...oh, and it's nice to be able to wear a hat on a cold day. In the summer, it tends to be allowed to be free-er.

I am not crabby about having wavy/curly/wayward hair - it holds (curling iron-assisted) curl well, holds bobby pins well for up-dos, can be straightened in dry weather, and can occasionally turn out nice enough naturally (with the help of a diffuser, and as long as I don't wear a hat or encounter weather of any kind. Like a breeze). However, what folks with straighter hair don't seem to appreciate when they make jealous comments about curly hair, is that there are considerations (some of which I have listed above) and unpredictable aspects - I truly never know what texture, shape, or volume it will choose on any given day.


Anyway, I made a more intentional decision a few weeks ago to pretty much let it curl (still with the diffuser - air drying just makes it look really untended - trust me) and keep it simple. The main motivator was work-related. Working from home, and not being a morning person, means that every day gets going far later than I would like. My shower helps wake me up (and means I don't have the dilemma of whether to put clean clothes on an un-showered body, or wear slightly less-than-clean clothes until after a shower later in the day - ack, decisions, decisions), and therefore goes at the beginning of my day. Followed by hair styling. Straightening doesn't take an excessive amount of time, but still keeps me away from my desk. And many days I'm not really going anywhere.

If I had more confidence just to look unconventional, I would likely have just moved on and gone about my business. But I was feeling pretty shaggy, and did receive one comment (not intended rudely at all - I was not upset) about how I must have had a rushed morning. I was also due for a trim & colour, and generally don't keep my hair the same way for more than one or two cuts. It's been longer-ish for a while now, so I thought I might as well go ahead and have it cut pretty short again. So now I've been wearing it natural, and shorter, and on a frightening hair day, I have no options - it can't be hidden in an up-do, or tucked neatly behind my ears with a hat, or accented with a scarf (well, it can, in a scarecrow-ish kind of way). And now that we're a week into this new 'do, the hair salon magic that keeps it manageable and uniform and soft for a wash or two is gone, and I am alarmed.


What I have posted for you is NOT the alarming state I face at the moment. This is a picture taken after the first wash & style with this cut. Tonight I took pictures of the Frankenstein's monster-style look I have going, after coming home with it wind-blown (which in my case actually blows out any softness and curl at the ends, and turns it into a straw-like mass of sticking-out ends), and brushing it out. Yikes. Those pictures, however, are not yet uploaded, so you have been spared either the horror or the laughter.


In other news, Geoff is back at his birdhouse-making, which he quite enjoys, and has the luxury of starting up again now that I have somehow ended up working more to support the family while he continues parental leave without pay. Ah, the irony of life. I would not have predicted this arrangement, but as it turns out, I find the work-kids balance pretty reasonable, and since it is Geoff with them all day, at home (rather than shipping them off somewhere), it feels ok, and I'm actually around most of the time anyway, as all my non-client work happens from home, for better or for worse. (And, as an aside, one of the things I enjoy about my current job is that there is plenty of opportunity to expand my repertoire, and being a sucker for continuous learning activities, that works for me). Back to birdhouses.


Geoff likes to create with salvaged wood and vintage trimmings whenever possible - ok, I guess trimmings, however vintage, are not natural products per se, as per my theme, but the wood is, right? He has just come home with a couple of loads of barn-board from a demolition project, and has set up some work space in the garage out back. In theory, he hopes to sell them. If not, family & friends know what they will be getting for gifts for various occasions into the future. That is likely what you will be getting regardless. Enjoy.

And that is that. And now, having done nothing on my evening to-do list, I should likely go investigate the sounds of wailing from baby girl's room, and consider my own bedtime preparations as I need to leave the house at the un-earthly hour of 7:00am tomorrow, wild hair and all.

The Courts Have Spoken

Well, folks, our adoption has been finalized.

We no longer have to call CAS when someone requires stitches (hasn't happened yet) or an ER visit (has happened once, and nearly happened again the night before finalization due to a head-first tumble down the stairs while playing ghost, with multiple blankets blocking all sense of direction).

We are a full-fledged, independent family now, for better or for worse.

 

In our area, finalization happens in court, in person, so we have known the finalization date for a while now. While I am quite glad to have had the opportunity to attend court - the day had that feeling of graduation, or similar events, complete with all the photos - there was no big feeling of anticipation or resolution for me. I have a subtle sense of awareness that we are a regular old family now, which feels good. I am also aware that I continue to experience lingering adjustment/attachment issues of my own that I hoped would have more fully resolved by this point. The kids, of course, have essentially no concept of the significance - which makes total sense as we have been a family for one year now. This likely also explains some of my nonchalance about finalization. And, we had a great relationship with our social worker - what parent wouldn't mind someone supportive popping in for free every few weeks to hear you vent, and to offer new ideas?

Anyway, the photos will be a meaningful way for me to look back, and will hopefully be a helpful keepsake for our kids, as they get older and begin to explore their story more. We enjoyed the company of immediate family and one set of foster parents in court, and had a few other friends join us later. The weather was fantastic, and we spent the afternoon casually hanging out in the backyard, for a BBQ lunch and snacks. Ok, I have to admit that putting together fun, coordinating outfits for us all was a highlight as well. And then I went and forgot to have anyone take a family photo in our backyard (we at least have some with the judge...complete with the overly-glowing yellow indoor lighting issues, which I have edited as well as possible).

And there you have it. An official ending/beginning/continuation. Family.

It's Been A While...

I am going to cite changes to Blogger as my excuse for not posting recently, okay? Because if I had been trying to post, chances of success would have been slim. Even now, I actually have no idea how I found my way to the "new post" page, and am not sure I will be able to do so again. If I don't re-surface in a few weeks, send a search party.

We have spent the last few weeks in a mad dash to prepare for, experience, and return from two, week-long, back-to-back trips - one which was work-related for me, and leisure-related for everyone else, and the other which was partly leisure, partly foster family visits and a wedding. I am still getting re-acquainted with my own house, and am amazed at how much the leaves and plants filled in while we were gone.

Just quickly (since, you know, I have a few more hours to log for work - my biggest work-from-home challenge), here is a bit about life these days:

• Baby girl has reached 2, and her current activity is drawing attention to all actions with "Why?" ("Why you peeing, Mom?" "Why you drop that, Mom?" "Why you [insert sound of her imitating a silly sound effect I made for no reason]?)
• Caye likely needs to be intentionally toilet-trained, since she is starting to insist on wearing underwear, taking off her diaper at times, sitting on the toilet, panicking occasionally when she soils her diaper...but then going anywhere but the toilet when given diaper-free time.
• Caye can hike a hilly forest trail with the best of us, recently insisting on walking what must have been at least a couple of kilometres (and over 2 hours), on a family outing.
• Kitch remains altogether sweet, funny, and intense with his episodes of dysregulation. He just recently began saying "I love you, Mom", and does so multiple times daily, along with hugs (all of which Caye copies - today she added a growl - her trademark sound effect - "I love...(with a growl) MOMMY").
• Yesterday, Kitch was overheard exclaiming, "Zorten!" when something went awry. It was hilarious. Geoff says this, which is an expansion of "Zort!" from Pinky & The Brain (and which my sister used a lot when she lived with us...and it has stuck).
• As we drove up the hill toward home the other night, after our trip to the kids' hometown and foster families, Kitch exclaimed, "I love home!" He dove right into fun with the foster family during our time in their area, but poured on extra hugs and "I love you"s with us at the same time. He has been a bit volatile since returning home, but I expected that regardless of the nature of the trip, just based on the changes of routine and lack of naps, etc., over the past couple of weeks.
• Lute, Lute, what do I say about Lute? I have to admit that his self-absorbed boldness, unrestrained activity, and constant requests/orders/bossiness/"curiosity"/etc. get the better of me, and I have a much harder time seeing the fun in him, and feeling really nurturing toward him. He is so focused on acting grown-up and copying adult mannerisms and language (often, of course, used out of context and with great repetition), and I have always had difficulty seeing him as just a little guy, and acting accordingly in response. Lute, however, remains full of zest, and delights in even the smallest things in life. He loves to be a helper, and loves to learn. We were most curious and uncertain of what his response would be to seeing his foster family again (his only family experience before us), and while in some ways I think he could have moved back in with them without missing a beat, as we arrived home, he also showed eagerness to see our pets, and sleep in his bed, and be "home" after our trip, with just a little bit of sadness at bedtime, an echo of his homesickness upon coming to us last summer. He thrives with lots of attention, interesting but productive "jobs" and activities, new experiences, and praise. He was quite proud of himself for having a vaccination without crying, and I must say that is likely an accomplishment for him.

The next couple of weeks will include seeing family from Ottawa, Ohio, and Saskatchewan (pretty much all around at the same time, for different purposes), a new roof on the house, the boys' birthdays, and...our adoption finalization. Things have been so busy, with lots of travel and job decisions (Geoff is hoping to take the rest of his parental leave instead of returning to work in early June, as originally planned), that we haven't really focused much on the adoption finalization, but it lies ahead as the only remaining step in the process. Hopefully after all that, we will be able to slow the pace a bit to enjoy outdoor time at home and the campground.

Simplifying is Way Too Complicated

(sorry in advance - having major issues getting the font size and style to save properly. No idea why.)

I recommended Jen Hatmaker's new book, 7, to our small group. They went for it. So now we are reading it, and I have to keep facing this idea of simplicity and stewardship and accountability.

I will be honest. While I want my main motivator to be the needs of the world, the implications of consumerism on people and the environment, and my ability (financially, time-wise, mind-wise) to respond fully, the issues most constantly in my thoughts have to do with daily life, and my family. I want our kids to grow up being content with practicality and simplicity. I want our work decisions to be more family-friendly and less money-dependent. I want the peace of living in an uncluttered home, with organized closets where it is easy to scan and choose what to wear. I want fewer toys to confiscate when they are not put away, and less resentment toward the kids for taking everything for-granted, and not even using half of what they have (that has somehow happened even without constantly showering them with stuff - it's just there).

I think one of the reasons it is so easy to accumulate is that it is simpler. Sort of. With books, it is way easier for me to order them online, from my couch, than to see if the library has the ones I want, and if not, to see if I can borrow from someone else. And take shoes, for instance. Rather than searching high and low for a pair of sandals that is comfortable for all-day wear, streamlined/dressy/cute enough for casual and semi-dressy social occasions, and neutral enough in colour AND style to go with everything, it is way easier to find 5 pairs at reasonable prices that together satisfy all (most?) of those demands. And as a definite bargain-hunter, I often could find those 5 pairs for the price of that one, elusive pair, and likely save time doing it. That is, at least, how I generally rationalize the situation. But 5 pairs sitting on a crowded shelf is a lot more complicated than one pair. Reducing the stress of visual clutter is just about as important to me at the moment as being financially responsible and addressing issues of materialism and vanity.

The question is, do I consign all my other shoes and find that one pair, try once again to weed out anything that isn't required frequently, or what? Do I somehow, with a large support network standing by to offer words of encouragement, physical restraint, and substantial chocolate bribes, get rid of everything except my two-strap brown Birkenstocks (and then only keep the clothes I would wear with those)?

Yesterday, I posted on Facebook, curious to know how many pairs of shoes people find are necessary for kids. Here is what I had come up with for a child living in Ontario, Canada:

Dress shoes (formal events - purchase as necessary)
Street shoes (for boys, can perhaps double as church shoes if chosen carefully)
Street sandals (for boys, can perhaps double as play & church sandals if chosen carefully)
Play/hiking shoes (in my experience, too dirty for other casual wear - church, shopping, etc.)
Play/hiking sandals (possibly, for boys, same as street sandals, depending on style/material)
Water shoes/flip flops/Crocs (one of this description)
Rubber boots
Winter boots

This does not account for any extra specialty footwear required for specific sports or other activities (which I intend to limit). So, my estimate is about 6 pairs for boys, and closer to 8 for girls - at least when church and semi-dressy occasions are a regular part of the picture (and that is without any "fun" extras for dress and casual wear, or between-season shoes like ballet flats).

Most responses to that post so far are that my Facebook friends' kids tend to have about 5 pairs of shoes (some as low as 4, a few likely closer to 6).

I was then curious to learn what other women in this climate (distinct four-season weather, including quite a bit of snow in winter, to intense heat in summer) have in their shoe collections. I am curious to see the responses as they come in.

In my case, if I could really pare it down, here is a pretty simplified list:

Steel toe boots (needed extremely rarely for work, and taking up precious shelf space)
Winter "play" boots
Winter showing my face in public boots
Rubber boots
Running shoes
Hiking shoes/boots (I go backpacking about once/year)
Hiking sandals (can get dirty)
Flip-flops (can get wet, throw on for pool, popping into the yard for a minute)
Comfort sandals (for everyday, day trips, etc.)
Cute casual sandals
Dressy sandals
Work shoes (dressy-ish, but easy for driving, etc.)
Skinny jeans boots, low heeled/flat
Casual jeans shoes/boots - flat
Casual jeans boots - higher/dressier
Casual flats (for in-between boot and sandal season)
Dark heels
Light heels

Also in the stash:

Bike shoes (optional - came with my road bike, thanks to Kijiji)
Hiking boots with orthotics (covered by insurance after our car accident)
Misc. "other" winter boots (yeah, hard to say goodbye to my Cougars)
Extra rubber boots
Various flip-flops
Crock knock-offs
Various decorative sandals
Various comfort sandals
Various heels and dress shoes (collected over time for various occasions)
Comfort shoes
Additional work shoes
Boots of various descriptions (including my red Docs...classic, but rarely worn)
Ballet flats
"Urban" sneakers

Hmm...think that's pretty much full disclosure, without actual numbers attached. Feel free to share your own experiences! (And be kind - this list looks ridiculous to me, too).

One More Time...or One Million

http://www.scribd.com/doc/13484/How-To-Get-Your-Preschoolers-To-Listen-To-Respect-You

So, the entire article could be an exact re-print of our lives, every day, many times per day, until it gets to this part, which has never happened:

"Needless to say, when I returned to cover positions in that classroom, I NEVER had to talk to him again about dropping his friends off the teeter-totter"

If only.

Oh, and that exact scenario actually happened on the weekend.

Nothing like constant repeat violations of every basic household and social rule, often within minutes, to make one pretty convinced of one's ineffectiveness as a parent, and as a facilitator of attachment (as I envision will one day be evidenced by blissfully and mutually respectful, serene parent-child relationships. Indeed).

If I was more convinced all this lack of compliance was substantially linked with attachment stuff, I might put more effort into using a more exclusively attachment-oriented approach - or if I was more motivated to do the thing with less evident short-term, but more evident long-term, potential results. Or if I felt strongly that there was an organic inability to link cause-effect and learn from experience. Perhaps there is truth in all of that - we have no way of knowing. But darn it, I would really like to see even a speck of progress in the rule-following and inhibition department after nearly one year. Even a speck would be lovely.

(And yes, it is possible there are some specks I cannot currently see in the midst of a frustrating couple of weeks - because I think a couple of weeks ago, I even commented to Geoff that one child appeared to be managing impulses a bit better. Think I forgot to knock wood when I said that. And I realize his self-control issues are mostly of very little clinical significance. And that the other has a personality perhaps less inclined to "remember" details - like the specifics of rules, among other factors. So I guess this post-script is a bit of a disclaimer, and admission of awareness of my bias at the moment. But I also believe myself to be a fairly accurate observer of things, so I still stand by the spirit of my observations. And I truly believe these boys can be pretty high on the sensitive, strong-willed, determined, feisty, assertive, omnipotent end of things, so I tend to be sensitive and [internally] reactive myself when people suggest it is ALL just "normal" preschooler stuff [or imply, at least in my imagination, that perhaps my perceptions have something to do with having three children of three different ages all at once]. Normal, with a cherry on top, perhaps. And some whipped cream. And when I am more lively one day, and more positive, I need to do a post on 3 and 4 year-old cuteness and brilliance. One of these days. I promise-ish. And I feel the need to state that they are not usually overly defiant...except when they are...which is often, recently - it's actually almost the opposite much of the time...kind of a frighteningly adolescent non-chalant disregarding of rules and instructions, with an occasional, casually-stated, "Well, I didn't want to do what you asked, so I did this instead." Publicly, they may throw fits at times, but most often show off their charming-ness quite nicely - and we deal with things as quietly as possible in public, which means others see lots of cute and not much of the other - or they see the "cute" not-doing-what-has-been-asked-stuff, like crawling across the stage during Sunday School open session while all the other children are seated nicely on the carpet watching the leader. Uh huh.).