Dancing the Night Away

We actually had fun at dance class tonight!

Since Geoff and I started social dance lessons last winter, we have been compelled to continue (and have actually dared trying out some rudimentary steps at various weddings). We have seen it as a bit of focused time together, a bit of exercise, and I suppose just something new to do. The reality of being a true beginner, as with any technical skill, is that the fun factor can be elusive. There can be a lot of frustration and disillusionment as weeks go by having to re-learn moves each week, stepping on and kicking each other (all accidental, of course), feeling like a rusty robot (isn't a waltz suppose to feel like gliding as well as look like it??)...you get the idea.

But for some reason, we were totally on the ball tonight. Geoff led me into a diagonal right off the bat during the foxtrot, and our conversation step came right back to us. The single swing went off without a hitch, including arch turns, and lady & guy unders. Then the new move (can't remember its name) made sense right away. And, our final waltz felt (despite likely not looking) lovely. We did not take a break between 6-week sessions this time, and my theory is that doing more than 6 weeks consecutively may be paying off. We can only hope. And I also hope we actually remember some of this stuff in the long-term :)

November

November has proved to be a stressful month the past few years.

In 2007, we spent November digesting the news that our basset hound was living with untreatable tumours. We were also still recovering from minor whiplash injuries sustained in our July 2007 car accident - which was difficult given that I had already received an extension on my masters thesis and could not sit at a computer through the evenings to work on it. That year, we were also making big decisions through November, having attended a late October information session on...yes, that's right...international adoption with our soon-to-be agency. That part was generally good stress, but still a big deal with lots of discussion and organizing to do. Especially with some pieces we wanted in place within certain time-frames to avoid additional costs. We do have a lovely "family" photo of Geoff and I with our pets, taken that November, which is a nice memory.

November 2008 contained my thesis defense, and immediately following, news that the Zambia program was in trouble. Pretty exhausting. The happy memory there is dinner out right after my defense, and the pretty necklace Geoff gave me. And I think we pretty much finished getting our leaves gathered up for just about the first time ever...

So far in November 2009, our mortgage is due, so we are running to and from appointments and have been making decisions about what type of mortgage we would like to try this time. To add some planned renovation expenses to the mortgage, we need to have an appraisal done, which means it is crunch time for some of the projects we are trying to do, like build, stain, and install baseboards (want that done before an appraiser comes calling). It would also be nice to have those projects done before our homestudy update (once we finally decide what we are doing - the other BIG thing on our November agenda) - not necessary to get baseboards done for a home visit, I realize, but nice to show that we actually have kept working on the place since our last visit. As well, our adoption medicals likely need to be updated (unless we can get the homestudy updated and sent to the Ministry before sometime in December), so there are appointments and paperwork to coordinate for those. And the bottom line is that all this "stuff" means I am way behind on Christmas decorating, which is sad and also stressful. Need time and order to get that off the ground, which is too bad because once those lights are twinkling away, the whole place becomes just so soothing, which I need. I did get two trees up yesterday - one in the computer/family room/guest room upstairs, and one in our room. Unfortunately, I am having second thoughts about the dog/cat tree in the family room, and thinking I should have used the primitive/folk ornaments in there instead (which are homeless after our master bedroom re-do). If I catch up, I would not put it past me to un-decorate that tree and move the cat/dog theme elsewhere. I compromised a bit in our room, which is not totally ready (still need a bookcase and curtains to call it finished), but it was nice to see some decorating progress. Good thing I started my Christmas letter in August (what else to do with a broken back?) and my Christmas cards in October, so only have part of that project to complete. Anyway, we are just halfway through November so far, and I am hoping that the second half of the month is where all these loose ends get tied up...

Ethiopia's Orphans

Here are a couple of links to interesting articles about Ethiopia's orphans, their care, and issues surrounding adoption.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/africa/article6032044.ece

http://www.irinnews.org/report.aspx?reportid=52622

Good News Regarding Ethiopia

http://www.bdo.ca/extranets/imagineadoption/index.cfm

A team representing Imagine and BDO (the bankruptcy trustee) has recently returned from a trip to Ethiopia to assess and re-establish relationships with key staff and orphanages. They have signed contracts with two out of four orphanages, and continue to talk with the remaining two. The key staff members in Ethiopia have agreed to continue working with the agency, and seem well-qualified and well-positioned to assist. The contracted orphanages have stated they anticipate referrals beginning sooner than projected in Imagine's restructuring proposal, which is excellent news! All in all, it was a productive and encouraging trip, which is great to hear.

Inching Forward

Still thick in the middle of indecision. One thing we know for sure is that our paperwork will need to be updated no matter what route we go. So, we are starting with our Ontario medical forms. Geoff has booked an appointment with our physician, and I have sent emails to the agency and our social worker to see who can provide fresh copies to us. Hopefully we get a response and the forms before Geoff's appointment...

These decisions would be a lot easier if the old baby in a basket on the doorstep scenario actually played out, or someone called us up and said, "Hey, I heard you wanted to adopt..."

*Sigh*

Oh well.

Ghana - The Continuing Story

While we have been given the news that our agency does not plan to continue with a Ghana program, there is a strong voice, primarily from those with referrals, to find a way for these adoptions to proceed. It seems there may be some key individuals who may support a movement to keep Ghana alive and well. The closure of the program does not mean that Ghana adoptions cannot happen in Canada, but there are definite obstacles which would take a significant amount of effort to overcome. It seems like such an unlikely possibility, given that we have essentially been told twice that the program is closing. But if there is a small chance, especially for those with referrals...

One family with a referral for siblings learned that their children had been sent back to their village of origin during the Hands of Mercy orphanage issues. Tragically, one of these children has since died. Now, the Hands of Mercy Shutterfly site has just posted that another baby, also sent back to his village with his twin brother, has died as well. He was apparently to be referred to parents in Canada. We will of course have no way of ever knowing who would have been referred to us, but I suspect now that we were closer to a referral than I might have guessed, since at least one of the Ghana referrals came to a family whose dossier was sent after ours (they would have received their referral ahead of us likely because of a broader age request). While I am glad we did not receive a referral only to find out that we could not complete the adoption, thinking that some of these children impacted by the orphanage closure/restructuring could have been referred to us makes the situation more real in some ways.

http://handsofmercy.shutterfly.com/

Change at Church

In non-adoption-related news, our church may be heading into an interesting, and likely challenging, time of change. Ours is a unique church in our area, essentially the only evangelical church to maintain a formal/traditional service with a few "high church" elements. We also offer, in our gym, a contemporary service. It is not a large church - we have averaged close to 200 in our traditional service the past few years, which is a dwindling number. And around 100 people attend the contemporary service, which is fairly steady, but perhaps growing a bit. Our sanctuary can easily fit 400, I believe. Being a downtown church, the congregation is eclectic - we have students, lots of elderly folk, single adults, and families, all from various backgrounds culturally, economically, educationally, etc. We are also the home church for most of the large group of Karen (Burmese) refugees who have arrived in our city the past couple of years, and the building is used by a Spanish congregation. Over the past year, an ad hoc committee has been meeting to examine future needs and make recommendations. They believe that at this time we need o consider joining our services, while trying to preserve elements that are core to each. They are proposing an interesting model - one where the core part of the service is quite "neutral" - sermon, scripture, announcements, etc. On either end of the service would be an optional music experience - some hymns and so on before the service, and some band-led praise songs afterward. The logistics of this would be a bit of a challenge, as would considering the place of music throughout the core service. These details have not really been discussed yet, as there needs to be discussion and agreement about moving forward with the general idea first. Anyway, a congregational meeting is coming up in a couple of weeks, and I do hope that we are all able to have a productive discussion together. Anyway, this morning I was reading a blog, and the author had taken this from someone else's blog, and I felt it was fitting, so I have in turn borrowed it for my blog! Here it is:

From, The Peacemaker, by Ken Sande:

"Contrary to what you may have heard, God's highest purpose for you is not to make you comfortable, wealthy, and happy. If you have put your faith in Him, He has something far more wonderful in mind for you ... He plans to conform you to the likeness of His Son. He began to change you the day you yielded yourself to Him, and He will continue this process throughout your life. Conflict is one of the many tools that God can use to help you develop a more Christlike character. To begin with, He may use conflict to remind you of your weaknesses and to encourage you to depend more on Him (2 Cor. 12:7-10). The more you depend on His grace, wisdom, and power, the more you will be imitating the Lord Jesus (Luke 22:41-44).


God may also use conflict to uncover sinful attitudes and habits in your life. Conflict is especially effective in breaking down appearances and revealing stubborn pride, a bitter and unforgiving heart, or a critical tongue. When you are squeezed through controversy and these sinful characteristics are brought to the surface, you will have an opportunity to admit their existence and ask for God's help in overcoming them.


There is more to being like Jesus than simply recognizing weaknesses and confessing sin to grow; you must also practice new attitudes and habits. Just as athletes develop their muscles and skills through strenuous training, you will see greatest growth when you repeatedly think and behave properly in response to challenging circumstances..."

Listening

Listen and be led
L. M. Heroux

How do you listen when you are not sure where to turn your attention? That is the question. I think part of having to re-think our adoption plans, again, really involves listening, observing, reflecting - on where we have been, why we have gone/been there, and what it means to be where we are now. One of the hardest things to sort through is what meaning to take from everything that has happened. Some people stop their adoption process after multiple closed doors. Is that what this means? Some people strengthen or maintain their resolve, and simply look for new ways of accomplishing the original goal. Is that what this means? Some people continue the journey, but head in a completely different direction. Is that what this means? We have started, this past week, to chat about where we are going from here. Trying to evaluate what we actually want and need to be doing at this point, after so much uncertainty, is difficult, but seems to be the place to start. Taking the time for conversation has been helpful - getting to know any inklings, preferences, "for sures" each of us has, and seeing where that leaves us. So far we are at:

1. Yes to kids - Each of us pictures our family including kids, somehow.
2. Yes to adoption - Both of us get most excited when we picture those future kids coming to us through adoption.
3. Yes, most likely, to Africa - This is still under discussion, but it looks like we generally feel most strongly about proceeding with an adoption from Africa, particularly since one of us clearly voiced that continuing, specific desire. Exploration of public adoption is on the table, but still not the most likely scenario for now. If we explore local possibilities, there has also been discussion about the meaning of our process so far, and all that we have invested in preparing to adopt transracially and transculturally - we have read, attended workshops, joined a transractial parenting group, etc. - feeling like it makes sense to keep going in a direction we have started, unless there is a clear and specific reason not to...

So, for now it seems important to listen - to each other, to others in the same process who are also contemplating their options, to available information - to pay attention and process what we see, think, and hear. Hopefully we make use of the listening time by tuning in where we need to...which seems like the hard part. Hopefully by listening, we will know when to act, and what that action should be. Hopefully our listening is not passive, but active in the sense of taking time to talk, reflect, and learn.

Official Ghana Announcement Link

Here is the official news on the Ghana program, posted publicly by the bankruptcy trustee:

http://www.bdo.ca/extranets/imagineadoption/index.cfm

Back to the Drawing Board

I received a call from Imagine this morning, to address any questions we might have and to outline our options, which are to withdraw from Imagine or join the Ethiopia program. Seeing as we initially thought we would be going with the Ethiopia program, when we chose Imagine two years ago, it seems we may have come full circle. At this point we have not decided what we will do. Our options outside of Imagine include, for example, public adoption in Ontario or looking into international adoption through another agency (which means starting from scratch financially). We have just about a month to decide whether to renew with Imagine. Yikes - busy few weeks ahead, it looks like as we engage in major future planning.

Hound-Related Interlude

Since we are the midst of having no idea what is happening with our adoption, this is a post about hounds. Why not. Here, you can see Gladwyn sharing a long stick with Jim (Captain Kirk), visiting with my parents this weekend. Jim, being a pup of 7 months or so, was initially a little overwhelming even for energetic Gladwyn (herself merely 18 months), but they seem to be sorting things out well. Jim is reportedly a beagle mix, but at pretty much the same height, and with a stockier build, than Gladwyn, I am thinking bluetick coonhound, around 50 pounds so far. Who knows (Jim was taken on by my parents, who planned to find a collie again, when their neighbours decided they would not be keeping the pup, so there is little known background on the lad). Hesper is somewhere on the sidelines here. She has not quite decided to let loose with Jim, preferring at this point to bark encouragement from a safe distance while he plays. Which is a step up from putting him in his place whenever he entered her personal space zone. At least they move efficiently through the getting acquainted phase, seeing as we are only at the end of day one. We shall see if we have to go through this again when we host Jim for a weekend in about a month, and then for a while at Christmas. Anyway, time for bed. That is all the hound news for today :)

Now We Know

We have received the sad, but somewhat expected, news that we have been waiting for regarding Ghana. It does not look like Imagine will be offering this program due to a number of significant obstacles. The email from our agency is fairly detailed, but another update will be posted by the bankruptcy trustee on Monday. We have also been informed that the agency will be calling to discuss our options with us. At this point, that likely means switching to Ethiopia, or withdrawing from Imagine. But we shall see...

If there is any good for us in this right now, it is that we received the news now, rather than a few months down the road (as we did not know how long the Ghana investigation might take) when even more time had passed. However, there are families with child referrals, and I do so hope that there are ways for them to complete their adoptions.

That is all for now. Guess it is time to get out of permanent waiting mode and into thinking and planning, and as of this moment I am not quite sure where this will lead, or even where we want it to lead. We will keep you posted.

October 31 - Weighing In on the Debate

I love a costume. I love any excuse to wear one. And since I'm over the age of 5 or so, October 31 is the only chance I have to wear a costume in public during the day (yes, it's true - I always wore a costume to work, and found a reason to run an errand or two on my way home - one drawback to working from home now - at least October 31 is a Saturday in 2009)! And, I enjoy catering to the very few neighbourhood children who take the extra time to come by our very slightly off-the-path house for candy. I also like being in costume along with other people in costume...so, every year for the past many years, I've been hosting a costume party in late October. Oh, and I decorate a bit, too, pretty much because I also love a reason to accent each season with some festive notes (just a little foretaste of the much larger-scale Christmas decorating to come starting in November)! Now, growing up, Halloween was only modestly observed in our home. We were allowed to wear wholesome costumes - bunnies, ballerinas, that kind of thing - and visit the homes of known neighbours and church members in our small town. My parents handed out candy, and we always carved a pumpkin. No ghosts, witches, or horror features at our place as kids. Now, it gets a bit tricky. I don't like to focus on supernatural elements that depict demonic influence, or on grotesque elements that celebrate mayhem and destruction. However, I've always enjoyed classic gothic horror themes in literature - some of my favourite reads, like Frankenstein and Jane Eyre, include the somewhat bizarre, and sometimes macabre even as they illustrate truth - oh, and I like a little Poe now and then as well! I also like a good pirate story - so a few pirate motifs reflect that interest . For me, this season is more about dressing up and having fun with quirky decor based on my interests. I think it can certainly be tricky (no pun intended) finding a good balance. I definitely respect those who choose not to observe Halloween at all, or who keep it limited to some cute costumes for their kids. I did a search on Christians and Halloween to see what's out there. Most of what I found is written by strongly anti-Halloween folk, but the link below stood out to me. Likely because it does a very nice job of articulating my thoughts as they stand at this point in time. I like how it honestly acknowledges various roots of Halloween, yet distinguishes between those roots and culturally relevant seasonal activities for the sake of entertainment (again, using discretion, and respecting individual differences - and I may not have worded that well, as I am of the opinion that we don't "need" to take pagan holidays and turn them into our own entertainment...if I think of a better term, I'll change it). Anyway, worth a read, whether you agree or disagree. Here it is:

http://www.wcg.org/lit/church/holidays/halloween.htm

P.S. Here is an interesting Catholic perspective - I wouldn't take the same stance on everything here, but worth a look:

http://www.ancient-future.net/halloween.html

And another interesting discussion (arguing a less pagan root to Halloween) - I'm not offering any comment, just putting some varied perspectives out there...

http://blog.beliefnet.com/bibleandculture/2009/10/should-christians-celebrate-halloween.html

Yet another one - this one I like, for the same reasons I like the first link I posted - I will admit bias, because this pretty much reflects my position:

http://www.carm.org/questions/other-questions/where-did-halloween-come-can-christian-celebrate-it

Not bad either (in my opinion):

http://answers.org/holidays/halloween.html

Where Are We Going?

We still don't know. Imagine has received the Ghana report, but there has not been an announcement yet regarding the Ghana program. Without knowing what findings, conclusions, or recommendations are in the report, we are still hoping for good news. This week, waiting for information we know is coming, reminded me what it felt like through June, knowing news of the Ghana program was imminent. In many ways, it was easier to wait through July, August, September, and the first half of October, after the agency collapse, knowing that news was a long way off.

We have tried to resurrect some sense of forward movement, and attended the first meeting of a local satellite group for transracial adoptive families. We enjoyed the people there, and plan to continue attending. We have also set up the nursery again this week, after using the space for storage since last winter as we worked on flooring and trim throughout the upstairs. It is SO nice to have our upstairs rooms in order again. What a relief!

As usual, fall is catching up with me. This is the point at which I invariably realize that Christmas is much closer than I imagined, and that I am once again a little behind schedule. Although I do have my cards pretty much done, other than address labels. And with the house shaping up again, I should be able to start decorating the first week of November. Before putting up Christmas trees, however, I should likely empty and store my garden pots and planters and things. That will be near the top of the agenda for the coming week...at least we are all ready for trick-or-treaters next Saturday!

Coming This Week???

The lawyer working on the Canada-Ghana adoption situation has submitted his report to our agency. Apparently we may hear something early this week regarding the status of the Ghana program. Hoping...